TMI...

05/02/2013

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The great outdoors...never really seemed all that great to me.  It's so hot out there and sweaty and I feel so uncomfortable doing outside things....like people were looking at me and making snide comments in their head or outloud.  And truthfully, I didn't have the energy to do anything but sit in a lawn chair (that I may or may not be able to get of) on the driveway or patio and watch the kids play, ride bikes, etc. Well my friends... I am on the sidelines no more. Today I got on my new bike and set off with my family like a line of little ducklings to the park to have a little picnic.  I took the picture above from a park bench that I stretched out on to look at the sky.  Wow.
I have missed so much being unhealthy, out of shape and scared.  The kids had such a great time watching mom venture out, wobbly and uncertain on the bike.  They were encouraging me and of course laughing at me a bit.  It was so great to have this time together to enjoy one of the most beautiful days God has given us outside in it.  Off the couch, out in the sun and the breeze.  Out smelling the flowers.
I'm not going to say it was easy and all idyllic.  There was lots of uphill and the whole stopping and starting is still difficult and awkward but I'm not scared to try anymore. I actually did better than Liberty.  With her little bike and legs she struggled up the hills. But how can she stop when her mother is doing it?


 
 
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Due to some really great people in my life, I have the opportunity to be a personal trainer's "project" for the world to watch transform from fat momma to hot mama!  So, yesterday I met my new best friend and arch nemesis Amy Palmisano. < that's her. Isn't she cute? She doesn't even look like the demon she is. LOL
We started today with a fitness test...yes a test and I FAILED sit-ups! Couldn't do a single damned one!  On a more awesome note... I did 10 push ups!!  We measured me and found target heart rate and cool stuff like that.  I thought, "Well, we'll probably just do a light little workout since it's the first day"  WRONG!!  She's like that teacher who actually teaches on the first day of school. Oh, and she called it a "light" workout. 
We started on the elliptical. It's not my favorite toy at the gym. I guess I ain't got rhythm because I just feel off on that thing, but I did 5 minutes on it.  NEVER done that!  We did 2 rounds of lifting and wall sits and stuff.  I thought I was doing pretty great... then I woke up this morning.  Did you know that you use abdominal muscles to push a button on the wall?  I know that now...



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See, you can see the demon in her here... LOL.  No really she's absolutely awesome.  I've only ever worked with one other trainer who was my free consult at the gym I signed up for and he was super hot so I really don't know what he said. She is very encouraging but not in a cheezy way and knew how to get more out of me than I thought I had in me. I am so excited to take her along in this journey of mine.  I'll keep every one posted!  Going to google "should I ice my abs" before I go to bed...night.

 
 
Wow.. haven't blogged in awhile. My bad.  I actually have done some pretty cool things!! I finished my first 5k and didn't come in last! I have run hills and intervals. My exercise was going great.  Then my "arch" nemesis reared it's ugly head! Plantar fasciitis...get the little play on words there? I have toughed it out and have some orthotics on the way, but it hurts. I shall overcome this.  I have a lot of 5ks I want to do and I ain't letting it stop me.
My eating is another story... man am I struggling. Food for me is such a slippery slope.  One carb leads to 3 carbs leads to 100.  Sugar and bread...they call to me and torment me and my will power is WEAK!!  I have a dietbet I started with the Anti-Jared that ends the first week and in May... I lost the last one and I cannot lose again.  I have stopped tracking. I think that's it.  I don't write down the gummy bear I snuck from the kids or the Cadbury Egg I swiped from an Easter basket.  It's getting out of control and I have GOT to summon my will power back.  I can't eat sugar.  It gets in my system and won't leave me alone.  So, back to tracking... back to very few carbs...back to losing.  I so wish I could run it all off, but I can't.  It's a healthy LIFESTYLE, not a see how many 5ks you can do a month.  I can do this.
On a funnier note... I am getting a bicycle. Yep. It's a cruiser.  I haven't been on a bicycle in over 20 years.  I don't own a helmet, but I am not getting on a bike without one...I know it's like riding a bike but I weighed 200lbs less last time I rode a bike! I am petrified, but I need options that don't reek havoc on my feet.  So, if I call you from the ER, come get me.
The bottom line is, I could give you excuses all day long. I even have some great ones. But excuses don't move the scale and don't give me back years on my life.  Hard work and perseverance do.  I am going to do just that...PERSEVERE!
 
 
Wow. I have come a long way in a few weeks.  I'm not bragging, just stating a fact.  I really mean more of my attitude than anything.  I have NEVER enjoyed exercise.  It's seemed like the worst punishment ever. But now, I look forward to it and want to push myself and set goals for myself. Me, fitness goals...who'd a thunk it??
So, my goals are to keep doing what I am doing and do a 5k once a month.  Hopefully by the end of 6 months I will be able to run them.  Right now just finishing one is my goal.  In the summer I don't think they do a lot of them, so I may have to come up with an alternative for it.  My good friend Julie is helping me find appropriate runs for me...ie not too crowded, plenty of walkers, etc.  The big one that I am super stoked about is the Biggest Loser Trail and Mud Run on May 18th out in Burnet. It's gonna kick my ass I am sure.  There's a wall to climb.  Thank God it's optional for the fatties!!  The course is full of obstacles and hills but I am going to do it! My friend Amy from ATX100 is doing it with me and so is my son, Harrison because it happens on his 15th birthday!  My friends have been so great and supportive while I am making these changes.  I couldn't have even begun without them. 
After this goal is met, my next one is a half-marathon next Spring.  Not sure which one, but I want to do it and run most of it.  Isn't it exciting?!?  I know, I know... I promise my body has not been possessed by a fitness freak. LOL
Now my eating has been a little umm... shall we say...dodgy. I have slipped a little on the carbs... namely cerealy.  I love cereal and have allowed myself to eat way too much of it. I know that I have to stay away from such things. My tracking has been bad as well, so I am getting back on "track" tonight and tomorrow.
I reckon that is all for now, not much exciting or valuable insights, but just putting goals in writing help, right?


 
 
Tonight I had to miss yoga.  I missed Zumba last night.  I was totally bummed about both.  Tonight especially...it took every good mom power I good summon to give up my yoga class and take Liberty to her school program about art.  I was kinda ticked off.  I pouted a bit.  What does this mean?? Do I enjoy these things that I used to loathe? I think I really do.  It feels good to be sore from stretching and working muscles that have laid dormant since the 80s.  I love it. What is it that has come over me?  Well, I am thankful for it.  I has probably saved my life.
Saturday morning at 8am I start the ATX100 running group over in South Austin.  It's my first visit and I am a little nervous.  But I think more excited than anything. After running the kids go away for a week to grandmas for spring break. 
I will be alone.  Harrison, my 15 year old asked me if I was going to be ok.  He seemed really concerned about me being sad and alone.  I thought he was worried I was going to be suicidal... He said, "I mean are you going to eat a lot while we are gone?"  He's worried I will emotionally eat out of lonelinessMy poor child.  Such a worrier... but with good reason.  I have similar concerns.  This will be a test.  Carbs call my name when I am alone.  I have to keep all bad stuff out of the house.  I am really excited to have no kids to worry about when I go to yoga and such.  I hope to burn some major calories next week.  I have 11.8 lbs to lose on the diet bet by March 28th.  I also will get an Easter dress from my mom if I make my goal.  Double motivation!!
So I am really doing this healthy lifestyle thing and even enjoying it... weird!!
 
 
Well, I have overcome some stuff with this new life thing.  I have ventured into the world of exercise...all kinds.  I have of course walked/run.  On Monday, I went to Zumba... alone!  Just me in a class full of skinny bitches with moves like Jagger... or more like Ricky Martin.  OMG!  I felt like such an idiot.  But I got through the class.  If I couldn't do, I just marched in place and moved my arms.  It was crazy! I also figured out that I have NO stomach muscles.  The leader was like "Tighten those stomach muscles!" and I really tried. Nothing happened.  My fat rolls just rubbed together and I couldn't make it work like the other ladies. BUT, I was still standing at the end and that my friends is a miracle.  I like this rec center.  It's not the one closest but it's got more to offer and I feel comfortable there.
So, while I was there I met the yoga instructor and she was so nice and swore that I would love her class so tonight I went to my first yoga class.  I LOVED IT!!  Granted it was a stretching and relaxation class and not strength, but still it was so relaxing and I felt so limber.  I really enjoyed it. My good friend Marci came with me.  Then we had a beer, but I digress... lol.  I'm going to the strength class on Monday and see if I still love it after that!
So, I have been trying to figure out, why now? Why is this suddenly working for me?  Where is this willpower coming from? I have a couple of answers. The obvious answer first is from God.  He knows my struggles and He has put some things and some people in my path that have helped me. He lead me to the Anti-Jared blog and facebook guy who encourages me daily in his posts.  He has surrounded me with friends who encourage me daily for every little victory even, and especially when I don't feel so victorious.  Chris being gone has also really helped.  Whenever we have tried to lose weight together, it never fails that Chris loses like 10lbs the first day and I gain 2lbs and I start off discouraged and quit.  So, having him not kick my ass on the scale has helped.
The last and most psychobabble thing I think has helped me gain control of my health is that I have absolutely no control over anything else.  To be honest, the rest of my life is pretty shitty these days and there is nothing I can do about it.  I can't control a damn thing. I CAN control what I put in my mouth and what I do with my body... so I am seizing the opportunity.  Whatever is allowing me to do this... I'll TAKE IT!
I feel really good about what I am doing and how I am doing it.  I am learning about my body and what it can do.  I am much stronger than I ever thought I was.  I will be successful this time.  Yay me!
 
 
I'm living the life my friends...mostly.  I have had quite a few NSVs lately.  Things that I thought would be really hard and close to impossible have been relatively easy.  I have found it pretty easy to make better food choices.  I have heard of people doing it, and I know it sounds a bit melodramatic but I never thought I would be able to say no to fattening delicious things and choose healthier things without being angry about it. I have!  The other day on the way home from work... a very dangerous time for me... I decided that I was going to have a cheeseburger.  I had the points and I really wanted one and I was starving. I pulled into Jack in the Box and when I did the Taco Cabana was looking at me right next door.  There was a sign about Cabana bowls and I thought... I could have a bowl with veggies and no shell and it would probably still be high points but a much better choice.  I pulled into TC and not JitB.  I ordered a bowl with black beans, lettuce, tomatoes, guac, taco meat, and little cheese, and a little sour cream. It was like 11 points but a ton of food and lots of protein and fiber and not nearly the carbs of a burger.  I couldn't even finish it.  I can't believe I did it.  I know to some that may sound ridiculous, but I never would have done it before.  I had eggs and fruit this morning with a piece of bacon and no biscuits and gravy, no cinnamon rolls and no soda or OJ.  I had 2 small pieces of chocolate but I was able to stop at that.  I don't know what this new thing that has come over me is... I don't recognize it.  Could it be WILL POWER?!?!  I have never had this in my life. I have to say it feels good... empowering.
BUT... on the flip side.  My exercise, well, not so much.  I have had a very hard time leaving the couch.  I know that I would feel so much better if I would just do it. I feel better after.  But it's been hard to overcome my laziness.  I have no excuse.  I just enjoy sitting.  So, my challenge this week is to GET OFF THE COUCH!!
I'll let you know how it goes!  I'm always open to suggestions.  I am new at this healthy stuff.

 
 
I really hate scales.  I know I shouldn't put much into them, but how can you not? It's the one way to measure how you are doing.  So, I have been without soda for 3 weeks.  I have been following a program consistently for 2 weeks.  I have exercised more than ever in my adult life. Please understand that I used to drink 2 at least RT 44 Vanilla Dr Peppers from Sonic every single day. I drank like 1200 calories plus the crappy food I ate. Like a sausage McGriddle most mornings and foot long subway sandwich or cheese enchiladas for lunch. I'd sneak a candy bar or 2 most days. Now I stick to my points and stay away from those things completely. I drink water.. lots of it and nothing else. I've lost 7lbs.  I can't break 300.  I know that is pretty decent weight loss, but damn! I guess old age really does slow it down.  I am so glad Chris isn't here doing it with me because he would already be down 20lbs and I would quit.  That's my pattern.  But no longer!  I will keep on trudging on and I will beat this!! I'm gonna win this win this freaking DietBet and I am going to break 300lbs then I'm getting rid of the scale and will only weigh at WW. I CANNOT base my success on a scale.  Ok.. that is all.
 
 
Well,I have run about 4 times now, maybe 5. It's getting better, but man, when I started I seriously thought I might die. I started out ( still do) by walking briskly for a couple of minutes to warm up and loosen up. Now, remember I am a 41 year old couch potato, I literally have not run or jogged or walked fast in YEARS! So I pick up my feet to run and they feel like 3 cinder blocks are attached to each foot... like they are being pulled down by some evil force keeping me from moving.  It was the strangest feeling.  But, I kept on and I ran maybe 25 yards...when I stopped my heart was pounding like I had been running from 10 foot spiders. It scared me. So, I didn't run again till by heart calmed down some.  The next run interval was a bit downhill and didn't feel as bad and my feet felt considerably lighter. I warmed down after that by walking the last few minutes.  Then while walking inside I realized my foot/ankle was hurting.  I took my shoe off and the right side of my foot was swollen already. I iced it and listened to Chris lecture me about not starting so fast and losing weight before I try to run.  I didn't listen much... I have seen lots of 400lb+ people on different blogs talk about doing this and I am too.
The next time I walk/ran which was a few days later, it was a lot easier.  My feet haven't felt like cinder blocks again.  It didn't get my heart rate up quite so much. I also doubled the amount of running I did by shortening the time between running intervals. I also added a cul de sac to my running path.  Now every time I do it I run a bit more and add a little distance... a short street, a culdesac, or something like that. I realized this past week that I seem looser all the way around... like my muscles don't hurt as much when I get up or I just seem to move easier.  I also don't seem as tired during the day.  It could be diet related more, but I think it's a little of both. I never thought I would say this, but I feel more energized and I kinda get why people get addicted to running.  With the tiny bit I've done, I feel the high a little.
So, now I have to confess that I am only walk/running about 20 minutes... maybe even less.  But it's getting a little longer each session.  I am going to try to commit to doing it at least every other day.  Right now it's kind of whenever I have time.
There you go... I hope this might help someone get off the couch and out of fear of pain or failing or even death and TRY! I totally had all those fears and still do.  I haven't bought a sports bra yet because I am afraid I won't keep it up and it will be a waste.  I'm ordering one right now!